Am I really bringing the spark back?

Through moving high schools, I lost quite a few friends. I didn’t lose them out of hate, or through disputes – I lost them through distance. Even though I hadn’t moved house, or I hadn’t decided to go internet-less, moving school was quite possibly the thing that ‘wrecked’ a few friendships. Whenever you have a new thing in your life, you want to grasp it with everything you have. You want to be able to go take it out with you, you want to praise yourself on it, and you never want to lose it. But sometimes it isn’t as easy. Sometimes you lose things when you get new things.

When I look into the past, I think ‘What went wrong? What happened?’ Just by looking at a few people in my life who I’ve lost, through disputes, or just through distance, I wonder whether it was me, or whether it was just meant to happen. I think back to around three years ago, when I moved, and I still think about what if I had stayed, and what if I had continued with the same group of friends, with the same type of simple life I had. But then I think, if I didn’t move high schools, if I didn’t have to get up early every morning for school, would I have been the same person I am now? I doubt it. I really do.

It seems illogical, but some of the best friendships I’ve ever had, were hindered simply because change determined everything. Change makes people feel weird, and sometimes it’s difficult for everyone to realise what type of strain it has on a friendship.

Sometimes you don’t want to lose someone, but because you don’t have the time to constantly talk to them, it makes it difficult not to feel like you’ve abandoned them, or they’ve left you behind instead. People change, they meet other people, and they build their friendships with others. You feel left out, but then there isn’t anything in reality that you can do about it. But then sometimes you fight back, and you catch a break.

After three years, something amazing happens, and you feel that same spark light up again, and it feels like the distance was never an issue. I love that. Sometimes I really do wonder what it’d be like if I had stayed. Would it be a spark bigger than it is now, or would it be the same? Would it have be blown down? I’m not really sure.

But one thing for sure is that, I’m not going to let it go this time. I’m really not going to let that happen. My spark and I.

Natalie

Edit: PS. Yes, spark is a person.

 

*Originally posted on theperfectdilemma.wordpress.com*

As part of my move to merge and decompartmentalize my blogs and websites, this post above has been re-published onto enngigi.wordpress.com. This blog post was originally published on the 17th November 2014.

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