To leave, or to stay?

“You definitely know you’re confused when you’re sitting on the floor, just thinking about the things that are going on in your life.

Yesterday was an interesting morning. To have two completely different people who adore you, just talking to you for hours on end, made life seem so important and cute. But then one spoiled it – it was a paragraph, but a paragraph that has created so much doubt, so much confusion, and wholly had an impact on the decision I will have to make in the future. The decision I had hoped I’d never need to make, because I never thought that it’d have to end this way.

“If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.”

– Orson Welles

I’ve actually been thinking about this quote for quite a long time now. I originally came across it when I was watching White Collar, but it hit me more when Mozzie actually said it.

If our story had ended a few months back, before university happened, before exams happened, everything would have resulted in the perfect ending. It would have been a cute, and mutual decision. It would have been undisputed. Everything would have ended on such good terms, and peacefully.

But now it’s too late to end on good terms. It’ll end brutally; it’ll end horribly, but luckily no one other than the two of us, will get hurt.

Even though our friendship had distance as the limiting factor, it was difficult to actually see how much it’d hurt if anything bad were to happen in the foreseeable future. And I definitely did not see this coming. I had always been aware of the fact that we were both very competitive, in our own interests, and had therefore thought that the friendly competition between each other was never going to be an issue. But then after a while, it’s difficult not to get jealous, it’s difficult not to see that somehow it’d affect our relationship, and how we see each other.

It sounds ridiculously stupid, but somehow our adoration of each other wasn’t enough to keep ‘us’ together. I have to admit though, seeing constant Snapchats and pictures of him and others was getting a bit too much for me. I couldn’t stand being so emotionally close, but so physically distant. Maybe the confidence in ‘us’ got the better of us. And I didn’t see it coming, but somehow it’s hanging on a rope, and unless we fix it, it’ll snap.”


*Originally posted on*

As part of my move to merge and decompartmentalize my blogs and websites, this post above has been re-published onto This blog post was originally published on the 26th November 2014.

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